Reviews (46)

Grand Entertainment on a large scale.
The Three and Four Musketeers I recommend to anyone who loves swashbucklers and the writings of Alexandre Dumas.These films remain pretty faithful to the original novel.Michael York does an excellent job as D'Artagnan.The musketeers excellently played by Oliver Reed(not as attractive as Athos in the book),Frank Finlay (not as tall or large as Porthos in the book or other screen versions),Richard Chamberlain (perfectly cast as Aramis).Raquel Welch did a great comedic turn as Constance but did not fit the characterization in the book.Faye Dunaway perfect in her acting ability as Milady de Winter.Christopher Lee and Charlton Heston great in their rolls as Count de Rochefort and Cardinal Richelieu.Simon Ward,Geraldine Chaplin,Jean Pierre-Cassel,Roy Kinnear and Spike Milligan also very good as the Duke of Buckingham,Queen Anne,King Louis,D'Artagnan's servant Planchet and Constance's cuckold of a husband Monsieur Bonancieux.The costumes,acting and scenery excellent for this period swashbuckler.I highly recommend it.Be sure to watch both parts to get the full story.Part 1 deals with D'Artagnan and the musketeers saving the Queen's honor from the machinations of Cardinal Richelieu and his agents "The bad and beautiful Milady de Winter and her lover Rochefort two birds of prey in fine feathers".Part 2 known as the Four Musketeers deals with the Cardinal and agents going for revenge against D'Artagnan and the Musketeers and viceversa.To fans of this version Ursula Andress was also considered for the part of Milady de Winter (an excellent choice,good actress and a real blonde beauty) and Charlton Heston was first wanted for the part of Athos but demanded the part of Cardinal Richelieu and got it.For those who love this version also be sure to see the sequel The Return of the Musketeers:The Musketeers 20 Years After.It has the same cast as the Three and Four Musketeers filmed 14 years later and also might add it has some new character additions.It's ashame that Oliver Reed and Roy Kinnear are gone.There could have been a fourth film about the Musketeers final days.If you want full film treatments of this novel I recommend The Three Musketeers-Gene Kelly version,The two part French version of 1961-62(quite similar to this one)the 1999 145 minute made for video stageplay and the Douglas Fairbanks 1921 version and its sequel the Iron Mask which not only deals with the Man in the Iron Mask Story but with the second half of the Three Musketeers novel (Fairbanks versions were Richard Lester's (Director of the Three,Four and Return of the Musketeers)favorites.If you've never seen these see them.If you have seen them and love them-BUY THEM!

ANCHOR BAY DOES IT AGAIN!!!
You can tell that the folks at Anchor Bay Entertainment love movies. It shows in every disc they release (like last years wonderful "MAD MONSTER PARTY" DVD). And this new release of director Richard Lester's delightfully enjoyable 70's comedy/ swashbuckler's "THE THREE MUSKETEERS" and "THE FOUR MUSKETEERS" in one 2-disc set is yet another example of their care and love. This is a wonderful release and a superior job over the DVD's Fox-Lorber have had on the market for the last couple of years. No one ever mentioned it (maybe nobody noticed it), but the Fox-Lorber DVD of "3 MUSKETEERS" was missing about 1 minute of footage in a scene between Charlton Heston and Christopher Lee. These new discs have the complete versions of both films and they look and sound great! For the first time they are presented in anamorphic widescreen in their proper aspect-ratio (full screen versions are also included but I haven't yet viewed them so I can't comment on them). The extras are also very nice. Two half hour documentaries on each disc includes interviews with stars Raquel Welch, Christopher Lee, Charlton Heston, Michael York and Frank Finlay and producers Ilya Salkind and Pierre Spengler. Trailers, tv spots, radio spots, photo & poster galleries and star biographies (that are actually informative and worth reading) round out this very pleasing package! Buy it, watch it and enjoy!

ALMOST PERFECT
Almost, but not quite. Too much unnecessary slapstick, especially in Part One, and the Spanish locales used in both films (well, three films actually, if you include THE RETURN OF THE MUSKETEERS, 1989) cannot possibly pass for France. But still, very lavish, handsome and entertaining films the whole family can enjoy. I was especially impressed with the costume designs and period detail, and I never tire of watching Raquel Welch in just about anything, but the entire cast was equally excellent. A definite must for Dumas aficionados. Peace, bro.

Easily the Best Version but what about the Region!
I love these films! Pure joy! They differ a little from the books but the spirit is spot on! What annoys me is that I cannot buy this pack because it is not in my region (Australia)!!! This whole region thing is a cruel joke. It is especialy unnessesary when it is an old film like this. When will these distributors wake up to themselves???

A Swashbuckling 2 DVD Set!!! Awesome!!! 5 Stars!!!
This is the ultimate collection of these two classic movies!!! Two Thumbs Up!!! Anchor Bay does another quality job with this "Complete Musketeers" 2 DVD set!!! You get both full and widescreen versions of both movies(The Three Musketeers and The Four Musketeers!!! Excellent picture and sound quality!!! And the extras are top notch too!!! A five star package!!! AWESOME!!! A+ ... Read more

Reviews (25)

Get your cheese right cheer!
Ahhh,the good ole days of 80's exploitation films;gratuitous nudity,lots of lingerie,lesbian overtones,tons of bleached blond cuties with mile high hair.It all comes together in this absurd spoof of bad girls in prison.The movie never pretends to be anything more than what it is,which is a total goofoff.From the cruel,grotesque,300lb whopper head guard(Pat Ast)who delights in torturing the helpless girls to the androgynous S&M inclined warden;to the 35 year old teenager(Wendy Williams);to the good girl who made a mistake and landed in the slammer(Linda Carol)this flick has more cliches than you can count.But the cliches are apparent early so that an annoying plot line doesn't distract you from checking out all the cleavage and barely there outfits.The film even includes a branding scene in a bathroom and of course,wrestling and fights.For those who can take this type of cinema for what it is it will definitely prove delightful.

A definite women prison of the 80's!
At first, this movie was very forced and contrived, but cameo actress and Andy Warhol film graduate, Pat Ast,(who I first spotted in a Motley Crue video "Smokin' in the Boys Room"; whose character in the movie is very similar), really gets the film off the ground with her terrifying performance that is cold and evil! It also features rocker Wendy O' Williams who committed suicide years later as a lesbian tormenting her cell mates. Linda Carol plays an innocent teenager sent to prison, Sybil Danning from the motion picture "Chained Heat" plays a bitchy warden. The movie heats up towards the end, which all action fans would enjoy if they start falling asleep half way through. I liked this movie, the only thing I didn't like about this is when Pat Ast crushes a kitten to death - Yuck!!! Linda Carol starred in an awful, soft- core porn dud "Carnal Crimes", which went straight to video; she was better in this one.

The benchmark for women in prison films.
As a serious women in prison film collector, I can state that no other film than 'reform school girls' better epitomizes what the genre is about more completely.
It has all the humorous elements one would expect in a such a film; the wicked wardeness, the bad butch girls, the helpless girl, the kitten stomp, shower scenes, fights, brandings, DDT delousing and did I mention shower scenes? Where do girls in a juvenile facility get all that fancy langerie anyway?
Wendy O'Willimas puts in a convincing and moving performance as a wicked correctional official and seems to delight in her evil role. Sybil Danning makes an extended cameo that was mandatory for a film of this type in the 1980's.
Although it lacks the gladitorial competitions of 'Lust for Freedom' or the exploitative child birth scene of 'Bad Girls Dormitory', it is cheerful and builds up gradually to a frenzy of revolutionary fervor. This film will definitely not disappoint.
This is also a good film for those new to the genre and those who enjoy the excesses of the 80's.

Yow!
I watched this dvd last night and here are ten (10) observations:

1. This film is probably not going to inspire anyone to do anything. No one is going to say "Gee, seeing 'Reform School Girls' was the turning point in my life and that's why I'm so successful today." This is probably not likely, but who knows... Stranger things have happened.

2. There's not a lot to think about here. "Reform School Girls" is not exactly intellectually challenging. The best thing to do while watching this is to have a beer and maybe start doing the laundry.

3. The cover for the dvd shows Sybil Danning, but Wendy O. Williams got the top billing. I could care less about Sybil Danning. What I would have liked to see on the cover would have been Williams wearing shaving cream and electrical tape with a chain saw. That would have been a great cover.

4. Wendy O. Williams' acting ability was pretty one-dimensional, but that's okay because the film isn't supposed to make any sense anyway. I especially like the part where Williams gets on top of the runaway bus, because it absolutely made no sense at all.

5. The end title song, "It's My Life" was written by Paul Stanley and Gene Simmons. This is an example of how the ideas of Gene Simmons have systematically perverted the nature of our culture for years.

6. If you buy this dvd, watch the trailers first. They're funny.

7. The Commentary by director Tom DeSimone and humorist Martin Lewis is pretty good too.

8. If you're a Wendy O. Williams fan, this dvd is worth having. In the last part of the film, she basically goes nuts, and I think it's commendable that someone was able to capture that on film.

9. As spoof, "Reform School Girls" works pretty well, on a very simple level. Other than Williams, the characters really don't mean anything and the story could easily have been replaced with anything else about women in prison.

10. The bottom line is, "Reform School Girls" is a far more interesting and plausible story than "The English Patient".

Good babes!!
This movie it's really impressive, the girls are the most gorgeous I've ever seen in a female prison movie. Sybill Danning looks perfect, and Sherri Stonner with her babydoll face and innocence. The shower scenes are very gruesome. Unfortunately the medical check is short for a movie like this. But if you enjoy watching girls with few clothes and nice bodies, this is your film. ... Read more

Reviews (5)

Underrated Gem
This is a fabulous, light comedy with a great all-star cast. This is something that deserved to be re-done on DVD. The plot concerns three women who live in Oregon. Jane Curtain is the wife of a wealthy architect. She comes home one day to fine he's run off with another woman, the bank accounts are cleaned out, and he's nowhere to be found. Bills are coming due. Jessica Lange is the wife of a wealthy veternarian played by Richard Benjamin. Her antique store is never profitable and now he has to sue her to please the IRS. She doesn't want to lose the store. Jill St. James is a divorcee with two kids and a deadbeat ex-husband. Her father then moves in with her when her mother takes up with another woman. She's pregnant with her boyfriend and they want to marry, but he has a no-future job, unless he can get the money to buy his boss' hardware store.

All three are friends and all three have something in common: they need money, and they need it now. After some failed schemes to get some, they decide to pull a heist at the local mall.

This is hysterical and tremendously funny. It's nothing deep or life changing, just a lot of intense, non-serious humor, great characters and great situations. Sure, there are some holes and a few scenes don't quite work, but this is something that ought to be in your permanent collection if you like comedies. It's a little dated, but has not lost any of its humor over the years. It's similar to "9 to 5" but I think funnier.

Fun, underatted movie
I've always enjoyed this movie. It's a very funny comedy, with great performances by all the leads. I'm just so glad that older movies are seeing new lights of day on DVD. Great fun.

A wry, neglected comedy
Although the details are dated, _How To Beat The High Co$t Of Living_ is freshly topical, with the economy in a bad way again. The three heroines' problems are, IMO, partly their own fault---but one has to root for their spunky, ingenious heist.

Jane Curtin improvising a striptease to cover her chums' getaway is a real highlight of the disc. She's game, sexy, and believable in her role---a really talented actress. And, for the record, the power is cut off only in _part_ of the mall, not the whole thing---I saw a review of the movie when it came out that didn't understand this point.

THIS is why I am constantly on Amazon.com!
I can't believe this is finally coming to DVD!! I taped it a couple of years ago off of cable, have loved this movie since I saw it in a theater when I was 18.

I skim Amazon.com all the time, looking to see what's coming out on DVD, and nearly jumped out of my seat when I saw this - if you like "9 to 5" and movies like it, this is a gem! Susan St. James, Jessie Lange, and Jane Curtin play women desperate for money for one reason or another - St. James wants to get married to her boyfriend and become respectable; Lange needs the money to keep her from losing her shop, a business that's been steadily losing money that her husband bought for her but now has to get rid of or he's in tax trouble; and Curtin is a divorcee just trying to survive.

The three women, struggling to beat the high cost of living, come across a brilliant idea - their local mall is having a contest, a huge plastic ball in the center of the mall will be filled with money, and you have to figure how much is in it. What the ladies come up with is a plan to enter to ball from underneath, cut through it and use a vacuum cleaner hose to suck out a good chunk of the money out for themelves.

The planning and execution of this caper - using only what resources the ladies can muster up on their own (which includes getting the tools for their crime by stealing them from St. James's boyfriend's hardware store, in a hilarious scene where the kids come along for the ride because St. James's character couldn't get a babysitter) - does not exactly go smoothly.

Of course in this movie, as in "9 to 5" and others like it, the execution of the crime does NOT come off without its share of glitches. But wow, is it fun to watch, enjoyable and light entertainment that will put a smile on your face long after you've seen it, just thinking about your favorite scenes.

A great comedy caper
...The movie includes Jane Curtin, Susan St. James, and Jessica Lange who are feeling the crunch of the cost of living getting higher, while their paychecks stay the same. They notice a promotion at the mall which is holding Thousands of dollars and plan to steal the money. Very entertaining to watch how they plan to pull it off. The movie was first released in 1980, but you could easily remake the movie again today, as once again the high cost of living keeps on rising. ... Read more

Amazon.com

Twenty-first-century science fiction fans accustomed to special-effects orgies like The Matrix may snigger at the quaint, Flash Gordon-like spaceships in Battle Beyond the Stars. But executive producer Roger Corman's belated entry into the '70s sci-fi craze surpasses expectations with sharp performances and a witty script by John Sayles (his third for Corman, including 1978's Piranha). The story, lifted wholesale from Akira Kurosawa's Seven Samurai (1954), finds the dictator Sador (John Saxon) threatening the planet of Akira. Its pacifist inhabitants are no match for Sador's devastating weapon, the Stellar Converter, but young Shad (Richard Thomas) decides to fight back. Borrowing the ship of notorious mercenary Zed the Corsair, he recruits a band of mercenaries, each of whom has a personal reason to join the fight. Among them are a lizard-like humanoid (Morgan Woodward), an improbable space cowboy (George Peppard), a zaftig female warrior (Sybil Danning), and brooding killer-for-hire Gelt (Robert Vaughn, reprising his Magnificent Seven role). Battle's final showdown is somewhat anticlimatic, but the surprisingly stellar cast (which includes Sam Jaffe and Darlanne Fluegel) and the indie spunk of Sayles' script, with its light meditations on death and honor, will charm newcomers and repeat audiences alike. New Concorde's digitally remastered DVD features commentary by Sayles and Terminator 2 producer Gale Anne Hurd, Battle's assistant production manager. Oh, and those spaceships? Designed by Titanic director James Cameron. Still laughing? --Paul Gaita ... Read more

Reviews (23)

The Magnificent Space Seven
BATTLE BEYOND THE STARS is a forgotten, but one of the better Star Wars clones. A B-Movie that came out in 1980 during the influx of terrible S.W. clones of the period. The story is based on THE SEVEN SAMARAI & THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN. Most notable is that it involved future movie directors/writers John Sayles (EIGHT MEN OUT) and James Cameron (TITANIC), produced by legendary independent film mogul Roger Corman, and boasting an impressive cast including George Peppard, Robert Vaugn (practically playing the same character he did in Mag. 7),John Saxon, Sam Jaffe,and Richard Thomas. A planet is being harassed by an evil space warlord, Sador (John Saxon) with the ultimate space weapon "The Stellar Converter". The inhabitants pick one of their own, Shad (Richard Thomas) to find and recruit help to fend off the menace. The film has lots of humor, some camp, dated but decent special effects, "memorable" spaceship designs, and great space alien character creations (such as the alien ally-recruit called "NESTOR"), and Richard Thomas' relationship with his female-voiced talking spaceship, to make this an enjoyable film to watch. The DVD has some added features such as the widescreen format, and the best is the audio commentary by Roger Corman and John Sayles. Overall, a pretty good movie to watch if your hankering for some sci-fi fantasy and you've seen Star Wars fifty-million times.

more stars than you think...
James Cameron, Gale Ann Hurd , James Horner names sound familar. Well they all did work on a little film called ALIENS. Get Roger Corman to throw in John Sayles a brilliant independent filmaker and script doctor and you have a pretty talented crew. Just released to DVD, this low budget space epic capitalized on the STAR WARS craze of the late 70's...with effects that were used in numerous other Roger Corman productions, this film actually had some quality....Its basically the magnificent 7 in space with Robert Vaughn recreating the same role he played in the original. Lots of fun, this will bring back good memories for those who saw it the first time around. The features really add a lot...Lots of commentary....Roger Corman is worth listing to. Known as perhaps the greatest low budget filmaker of all time (just check his list of credits produced over 300 films and directed another 50)...his book "How I Made a Hundred Movies in Hollywood (And Never Lost a Dime)" is classic.

Fun knock off!
Admittedly this is one of a slew of "Star Wars" knock-offs. So it is a historical piece. It is a nice B-Move, and one that you can give your kids who want to see the Matrix or Kill Bill.

A very fun "Star Wars" clone
Every Sci-Fi fan needs this movie in their collection. It's not perfect, but it deserves an "A" for effort. The special effects are pretty darn good for being realtivly low budget. I wish the DVD transfer was a little more pristine, but it looks light years better than your old copies on video. Although, the film is pretty cliche driven, it still does it well with charm. The story is pretty exciting and noticiably more sexual in nature than Star Wars ever was. Too bad this film wasn't a big smash, I would have liked the same team to have done an Empire Strikes Back clone.... Or I would love to have seen a bunch of movies about Zed's leagacy.

Low budget always equals poor quality....
I'm not sure why so many reviwers like Roger Corman movies. Maybe they are so bad, it's good kind of thing. It's very curious. This movie like all of Corman's pictures, was cheap. It would useually star big name actors, have very cheeesy effects work and animation done, and would useually collapse in on itself from the cheapness of the production. The art direction on these movies was so poor that by comparsion, the sets and costumes and scripts and acting you see on the daytime soaps look so much better then this. Corman productions are sometimes compared with other production companies that did movies on low or moderate budgets like Hammer Films in England or Toho Studios in Japan, but comparing these companies together is a bit of a misconception. Hammer and Toho generally took their movies more seriously and treated them only as what they were. Corman pictures tried to pretent they were making great movies when in fact the finished films were anything but the promises that Corman Pictures made.
Given a choice I would much rather watch soap operas, or a Hammer Film, or a Toho Movie. and leave Corman films to be shown on the Sci-fi channel where all the other junk films are shown. ... Read more

Amazon.com

Baron von Sepper (Richard Burton, who seems to sleepwalk through thefilm), a European aristocrat of vaguely Germanic heritage, marries andmurders a succession of international lovelies (among them Raquel Welch,Virna Lisi, Nathalie Delon, and Marilù Tolo) before his seventh bride,peppy but coy showgirl Joey Heatherton, discovers his secret in a frozenbasement museum. Would you believe the Baron is just a nice guy who's a poorjudge of character? A man who loves deeply but perhaps not too wisely? Orthat he harbors a deep, troubling psychosexual secret? Director EdwardDmytryk (The Caine Mutiny), who also cowrote this Euro-puddingcoproduction, tosses in a bit of all three as he barrels through his reign ofterror. He even attempts to milk laughs from a few of the executions, butdespite its upbeat pace it drags through unnecessary exposition and dull,dead patches of life-size kewpie doll Heatherton padding around his castle.Richard Burton struggles with a hoary stage beard and a dull screenplay thatlabors under the pretense of wit to deliver a bored performance. This 1972production gets some mileage from its guest cast (most of whom offer atantalizing flash of flesh before succumbing to the Baron's homicidalimpulses), but winds up as lifeless as Burton's vacant, wearystare. --Sean Axmaker ... Read more

Reviews (8)

very good
I remember seeing this movie when I was a kid, but it was only glimpse of it, but my mom told me what the name was. This film is very interesting Iconsider this one of the old classics.

Hang on to your seats, a camp classic!
Though this wretched movie is not the nadir of Richard Burton's career (check out "The Klansman" for that dubious distinction), it comes mighty darn close. The script, the acting and the general tone of this movie is beyond repulsive, it is tawdry, inane and ultimately, quite pathetic. However, there is one overwhelmingly redeeming feature to "Bluebeard:" it is so bad it is unintentionally hilarious!

Burton sleepwalks through this silly film with a cheap, stick-on goatee. As always, he overacts to a ridiculous degree and one eternally wonders why his directors never took him aside and said, "Richard, you don't need to scream every single line." Alas, Burton is magnificently dreadful here, his attempts at lovemaking become bombastically embarrassing to watch, his few, brief attempts at some decent acting are wickedly futile. One real-life moment to ponder: following one love scene with one of the no-name Italian starlets, the director yelled, "cut!" but Burton and the starlet continued kissing and then walked off the set to Burton's waiting limousine. Hmmm, where was Liz?

This is a great movie to enjoy with a few beers and a readiness to make fun of every scene and hurl collective invective against Richard Burton. If you are up to the challenge, then "Bluebeard" is your movie.

This is a great art and erotic film
I loved Joey Heatherton's performance. I strongly agree with the cover which says "Richard Burton stars in this fantastic tale with some of the most beautiful women in cinematic history, including Raquel Welch and Joey Heatherton" (and some fantastic European actresses such as Virni Lisi, Nathalie Delon, Karin Schulbert, Agostina Belli, and Sybil Danning). "Baron Kurt Von Sepper (Burton) is an Austrian aristocrat who lives in austere obscurity in a large castle. He has married his seventh wife (Heatherton), to whom he seems ardendly attached. One day, she finds a mysterious golden key which gives access to a secret passage where she finds her husdand's previous wives. It is then that the Baron recounts to her the horrid and bizarre details of his past. It remains to Heatherton to fight for her survival and to avoid becoming just another beautiful frozen body." I strongly recommend this movie.

What a hoot! Fun blend of horror and comedy.
I was surprised to be entertained by this film since I'd heard it was bad. This dark comedy, dismissed in its initial theatrical release by critics and audiences alike, deserved better. It's a hoot! There is some beautiful cinematography, gorgeous sets, some fine acting, suspense and masterful segues between drama, horror, and comedy. The women, Bluebeard's doomed wives, are gorgeous, especially the lovely Joey Heatherton, who steals the movie from one of my all time favorite actors, Richard Burton. The murder scenes are graphic but so bizarre they both repel and make you laugh at the same time. They illustrate the absurdity at the core of Burton's sexually dysfunctional villain, a man of vast power and wealth who cannot acquire the most important thing in life, the love of any of his wives. Don't take it too seriously, just enjoy it.

Richard Burton should have been shot for this one
This film is so bad it makes the Exorcist II look like a masterpiece. The only thing that saves this horrible film are the many beautiful women it has. I cannot express how utterly repulsive this film is and how sad it was for me- a big fan of Mr. Burton to watch it. Now I understand why many critics have called Mr. Burton a sad waste of talent. Not only is this an example of wasted talent but rather an example is pure creed and stupidity. How could he follow Virginia Wolf? Becket and the spy who came from the cold with this garbage. One word money. ... Read more

Product Description

A dramatic recreation of the daring raid on Entebbe in which Israeli commandos rescued 104 hijacked passengers from a plane held by terrorists. Produced and filmed with the full cooperation of the Israeli government and military. ... Read more

Reviews (8)

OK Evening's Entertainment
Fun to see Mike Mazurky, Henry Wilcoxon, and George Raft in bit parts. Fun to see Robert Saachi do a spot-on impersonation of Bogart. The best unplanned fun is viewing the cheesy 70s TV-movie values that add to the nostalgia of the film.

This is bogart BUT the plot is silly and at times perverted
5 stars to the actor playing bogie,he has the voice,look, manors and style PERFECT. however the golden age of movies did not have curse words & naked women and i really doubt the real bogie would have lowered himself to this stupid script. If you are the ultimate bogart fan,like me, you can apprechiate just how good this actor plays him and at times there are a few funny sceenes like a car crash resulting from seeing bogie back from the dead.nice hearing the this actor relate everything to the "old days" as he visits certain streets and area's in this film where previous old movies were shot naming the stars who were in them, you can kind of picture it in B&W in your head if you saw the films. it is also kind of neat seeing a cameo by george raft an actor who played with bogie way back when in some of the classics but this is NOT a child safe movie. You can take most of the golden age movies and watch them with a family but not this trashy comedy too many uneeded sex implied scenario's that just dont fit with the real humphrey bogart films.

Enjoyable and lightweight...
Andy Fenaday's scipt follows self-employed detective (Scacchi, who's incredible) as he gets wrapped up in a MALTESE FALCON-type mystery. Heavy doses of amusing dialog, crammed with old movie references, this movie is better than FLETCH. A lot of fun and worth repeated viewings. A must for movie buffs. Good family viewing, with older kids. Rated PG for profanity, violence, and mild sexual innuendo.

A sweet bit of noir
Robert Sacchi attained minor celebrity in the 70's and 80's for his uncanny resemblance to Bogie and parlayed it into a career in TV commercials and cameo movie roles, most notably in Woody Allen's PLAY IT AGAIN, SAM. This vehicle is built around his unique "gift." It's an unremarkable but highly likable send-up of the great private eye flicks from the 30's and 40's - its most obvious inspiration being THE MALTESE FALCON, but there are allusions to THE LADY FROM SHANGHAI and other classics as well.It is chock full of hard-boiled banter and shadowy frames and shadowy characters and probably would have been better shot in black and white to capture the true ambience and ambiguities of the originals it seeks to imitate.

Same Marlowe is hired to find "the eyes of Alexander", sapphire replicas of Alexander the Great's eyes used in a bust of the conqueror, and during the search he runs into a snag of competing interests, all played by well-known character actors, Victor Buono and Herbert Lom among them. The plot, however, is superfluous, as it almost always is in detective films. The real point of the movie is to pay tribute to old time movie magic, and part of its fun is in the cameos. Apart from bit parts by the likes of George Raft, watch out for appearances by famed Hollywood reporters James Bacon and Robert Osborne as well (the latter now the host of cable's Turner Classic Movies).

Wonderful Spoof
Sacchi is the best Bogart impersonator ever... dry and droll as Sam Marlowe! The music from award winning composer George Duning [From Here To Eternity, Picnic, The World of Suzie Wong], the cinematography of perfect locations [including the famous Ambassador Hotel] are all right on target as famous tv director Robert Day [Kojak, Streets of San Francisco, The Avengers] guides the most endearing group of well-known character actors through a spoof of every dark detective film every made. See this if you loved all the old serious flicks... this one will make you howl. ... Read more

Reviews (4)

This is not the Errol Flynn version, but worth seeing.
It is a 70's remake, but by the director who gave us the 70's version of the Three Musketeers, the Four Musketeers and Return of the Musketeers with Oliver Reed, Rachael Welch and Charleston Heston. This is almost a sequel with the same cast and director, but a different story. Lots of comedy (not all of it works) lots of swordplay. Not great, but well worth seeing.

Oliver Reed is the best
I think this is a great film. Oliver Reed is not just very handsome, but he is also a great actor.

WARNING, WRONG VERSION
This was advertised as the original Errol Flynn version. It is not. It is some sappy, 3rd rate remake from the late 70s.

Which version is this?
The Errol Flynn version gets 4 stars, but it was not directed by Richard Fleischer. The Fleischer version only gets 2 stars, the twins are too old. Something is not right here, which one is it? ... Read more

Reviews (7)

once again
This has to be the worst movie I have ever seen (right below "Green Slime"). Ever a big Richard Boone fan: he is forgiven in this movie. Jack Palance: not believable, no matter what role except "City Slickers" where his persona, a dead cowboy playes true. Lee Van Cleef ever steely eyed, ever smooth talking is the only reason to see this film. The downfall, and major blunder, was to cast an amature (immature) to the film: preteen hearthrob Leif Garret. "Thankfully" throughout the video he is a mute boy but his acting skills, I give this flick a 1

Great Movie!!!
What's wrong with you people??? This was a great all round Spaghetti Western!!! Sure, it may not rate up there with "The Good the Bad and the Ugly" or the other two of the trilogy, but it is nonetheless a very good movie. Lee Van Cleef plays a great dual role of the priest (Father John) and the twin brother gun-slinger (Lewis), Sybil Danning (Jenny) is flat out beautiful and Leif Garrett is plays a very believable Johnny son of Danning. Oh, and lets not forget Jack Palance as the very bad Sam Clayton. All these characters blend together to make a very memorable movie. One the better scene's in the movie is when Johnny is trapped in the church bell tower and he takes a metal bolt and flings it at his pursuer hitting him in the head, causing him to go head over heals to the ground below. I also enjoyed the wonderful dancing lady in the Saloon. Sante Maria Romitelli produced a sound track equal to anything Ennio Morricone ever did and Orlando Signorelli did an equally good job in editing the film. This is one of my all time favorite Spaghetti Westerns and one I would recommend YOU buy. Forget the prior reviews and buy this movie.

Great Title, Great Actors, Bad Movie
What potential - A great title "Gods Gun" - three of the best tough guys ever, all with very respectable careers - Lee Van Cleef, Jack Palance and Richard Boone.
What is right?

Jack Parlance comes off OK. At times there are some clever script elements. That's it!

What's Wrong?

What "Plan Nine From Outer Space" was to Bella Lagosi, "Gods Gun" might be to these three actors. "Gods Gun" rivals Terror In Tiny Town in ineptitude. The actors in this Israeli - no budget Western must have been very hungry. You watch this film and wonder - how did this happen to them?
Van Cleef (who must have had the worlds worst agent), had all but lost his menacing charm. At this time in his career you wonder if directors were purposely mocking him -having him wear embarrassing costumes, wigs and at times singing awful theme songs. He must have realized he wasn't getting paid for this abomination because he obviously didn't stick around to loop in his own voice. He is ludicrously dubbed to sound like "A Sons of Hercules" character. Cheep sets, lame clichéd music, horrendously bad costumes, awful peripheral actors, stereotypes, and a bland and confused teen idle - Leif Garret. The whole thing would be unintentionally funny if it were not for the sadness of seeing three quality actors trying desperately to make this thing work. At least you don't feel so bad about Palance who went on to some better things - some quality Hollywood films and push-ups during an Academy Award ceremony. It is very disturbing watching Van Cleef, and Boone knowing that for the remainder of their lives they were hopelessly stuck in poverty row films like this one. "Gods Gun" has a very high cringe factor for those of us who were once entertained by these guys. Others who don't care may be able to laugh at the film. I personally could not stand watching what seemed like three old reliable pals being degrading junk like this.

Gianfranco Parolini's God's Gun
Parolini, directing under the American-friendly name "Frank Kramer," comes up with a film that almost succeeds.

Jack Palance and his gang take over a small town. Leif Garrett and priest Lee Van Cleef stand up to the gang, and Van Cleef is killed. Garrett rides off to find the priest's twin brother, a gunfighter, also played by Van Cleef. They ride back and defeat the baddies.

The film makers give Van Cleef the world's most hideous wig in his scenes as the priest. He and Garrett seem to be competing in a contest for the film's most unappealing hairstyle. Palance, as the outlaw gang leader, must get on his knees every day and thank God "City Slickers" came along and rescued his career from messes like this. Sybil Danning, as Garrett's mother, is given little to do but stand around wide eyed, worry about her son, and flash her right breast in a rape scene to be discussed later. Richard Boone, desperately missing John Wayne and the chance to be in his films, plays the stereotypical drunken sheriff who cannot stop the outlaws.

Garrett, who does not sing in this, heads to Mexico to find the gunfighting brother. It takes him just two days, since apparently Mexico is the size of a city block. Van Cleef as the gunfighter is more effective, especially in a clever plan to stop the outlaws by making them think the priest has come back from the dead. The gunfighter does this with the minimum use of guns, and it is entertaining.

The bad news? Ennio Morricone should sue the composer here for ripping off "The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly"'s soundtrack. Every time Van Cleef is shown, you here that "aahh" sound that pops up all time in the superior Sergio Leone film. About an hour into this, the gang tries to rape the judge's daughters. They then go to the saloon and proceed to rape the women there. Then Danning tells Palance he is the father of Garrett, and we are treated to her flashback when Palance raped her years before. I do not know why the majority of modern westerns must feature rape, but this trio of scenes lasts a very long SIX minutes, and seems longer. They are ugly scenes that did not have to be done, and only pander to the lowest form of viewer who needs to have it hit over their head that these are villains, in case all the murders and robberies were confusing.

Parolini finally starts doing some funky things involving his camera with about twenty minutes to go, but it is too late. The baddies are defeated, Garrett learns a big life lesson, and gunfighter Van Cleef rides home.

"God's Gun," also known as "A Bullet from God," had a lot going for it, but cannot overcome its own ugliness. I cannot recommend it.

This is rated (R) for physical violence, gun violence, strong sexual violence, gore, some profanity, brief female nudity, brief male nudity, and sexual references.

so bad, it's actually quite good
I saw this film a few years ago, on a home TV channel, and I thought I had just entered the twilight zone. I could not believe my eyes! What on earth was going through the filmmaker's mind as they sat down to green light this one? The main idea was a passable one, if a little unoriginal, but it was the execution that went wrong. It is hard to think that both the director and star of this one were responsible for the excellent 'Sabata' nearly a decade earlier.

A few highpoints of this film to watch out for:

1. In the saloon scene, note the whore in the red dress doing a very 'groovy' dance despite the actual music that is playing. Great arm movement, eh?

2. Another gem is the scene where Lee van Cleef confronts Jack Palance while they are camped for the night. Was it my imagination, or were the villains sleeping in the middle of the road? A bit dangerous, isn't it? I know that they are hardened criminals, their evil posturing has already alerted us to that fact, but this really is dicing with death.

3. A final word about the costumes. What happened? Most of the money seemed to go on the whore in the red dress (a talented dancer) but it seemed that van Cleef was forced to wear his own trousers for most of the shoot. How can I tell? The film was made in the late seventies or early eighties and this is reflected in the circumference of the bottom of his jeans. This is most noticable in the introduction of the twin brother mid way through the film.

That said, I have never laughed at an italian western so much in my life. Go on, buy it. ... Read more

Amazon.com essential video

Director Richard Lester strikes the perfect balance between slapstick and swashbuckling swordplay in this whimsical adaptation of Alexandre Dumas's grand adventure. Michael York, all innocence and wide-eyed chivalry as young D'Artagnan, makes quite an impression on his first day in Paris: he challenges all three of the legendary Musketeers to a duel, then joins them in arms against the cardinal's soldiers. The worldly rascals, led by Athos (Oliver Reed), who hides his brooding past behind a sarcastic wit, adopt the young hero. Soon D'Artagnan is stealing hearts and stealing food with equal aplomb as he joins their campaign to defend the queen (Geraldine Chaplin) against a plot devised by the scheming cardinal (Charlton Heston) and his cold-hearted accomplice Milady de Winter (Faye Dunaway). Richard Chamberlain's Aramis, the trio's Don Juan and resident man of God, and Frank Finlay's fun-loving hedonist Porthos round out the Musketeers, while Christopher Lee's sneering Rochefort executes the cardinal's wishes as commander of the church's soldiers. Other members of this talented cast include Raquel Welch as the beautiful but disaster-prone seamstress to the queen, Spike Milligan as the beauty's jealous husband, Roy Kinnear as D'Artagnan's bumbling servant, Planchet, and Jean-Pierre Cassel as the clueless king. George MacDonald Fraser's rollicking screenplay combines boisterous adventure and roguish humor with marvelous characters, and Lester's dynamic direction turns it into one of the greatest comic swashbucklers of all time. Followed by The Four Musketeers, which continues the story in a darker vein. --Sean Axmaker ... Read more

Reviews (22)

ALL FOR ONE AND ALL FOR FUN
Richard Lester's refreshingly breezy adaptation of the Dumas classic is one of the best interpretations of this venerable classic. He combines the elements of swashbuckling swordplay with the satirical buffooneries of the Pink Panther movies. Michael York, scrawny yet efficient, plays D'artagnan with a youthful exuberance. Raquel Welch is hilarious as the bumbling, accident prone Constance, and Spike Milligan is likewise a hoot as her aging and lustful husband. The Musketeers are played by Oliver Reed, Frank Finlay and Richard Chamberlain, and are dashingly heroic, if a little out of shape? Faye Dunaway is cold and calculating as the Lady DeWinter while Geraldine Chaplin is quite coquettish as the Queen. Rounding out the marvelous cast are Charlton Heston, Christopher Lee, Simon Ward and Jean Pierre Cassel. Lester filmed this and its sequel (The Four Musketeers) at the same time, but the studio opted to go with a sequel as the whole movie would have been too long. They are both fine films, although the follow up is a little darker in tone. Well worth viewing for a good time.

A Spectacular Action/Adventure-Comedy- A Must See
This movie has it all: action, adventure, comedy. The cast is outstanding and it brings out some of the best performances in some individuals careers like Michael York, Rachael Welch, and Richard Chamberland. The direction by Richard Lester is excellent.

Based on the Alexandre Dumas novel, this film is the best adaptation ever. It is so far superior than the "brat pack" version with Sutherland, Curry, and Sheen, that one wonders why another version was even attempted.

The story begins with D'Artagnan setting off to be a musketeer. He ends up being an embarrashment and has three duels, with the The Musketeers, played by Oliver Reed, Chamberland, and Frank Finely (Finely, in my opinion, gives the best performance in the movie). Because of the Cardinal's guards, the four unite and soon, they are friends going off to England to save the Queen's honor and stop the evil plot of Cardinal Richelieu (played by Charleton Heston).

This movie is a true blast and is followed up by "The Four Musketeers" where Milady (played by Fay Dunaway) tries to bring the ruin of D'Artagan.

The Three Musketeers
Set in 1500's France, a young Gaston named D'Artagnan (Michael York) leaves his family with hope of becoming the king's musketeer. After facing humiliation in his daily exploits, he inadvertently offends three musketeers at different times and each force him to duel to the death the next day (the musketeers: Athos is Oliver Reed, Porthos is Frank Finlay, and Aramis is Richard Chamberlain). However, they all form an alliance after being forced to fight off the Cardinal's authority. Soon after, D'Artagnan falls in love with his landlord's beautiful wife Constance (Raquel Welch) and finds that the Duke Of Buckingham (Simon Ward) is in love with subtly somber The Queen Of France (Geraldine Chaplin). When the Duke and the Queen meet, the Queen gives the Duke her diamond necklace so he can remember her. A spy is pertinent, sees their exchange and reports it to Cardinal Richelieu. Cardinal Richelieu (Charlton Heston), a delicately ominous figure, wants nothing but to take control of France from the King, and the queens missing diamonds are a good opportunity for him to cause the king trouble. It's up to D'Artagnan and the musketeers to return the diamonds to the queen by traveling to England. The obstacles to reaching the destination is easily offended and violent men with varying political views, bandits, the skilled and deadly Rochefort whom D'Artagnan encountered several times (Christopher Lee) and the cardinal's covert agent Milady (Faye Dunaway).

This film version of Alexander Dumas's masterpiece story is filled with incredibly enjoyable elements. There is much slapstick humor that is never forced, pretentious or overly distracting; there is a good amount of swashbuckling action; the performances (especially by Roy Kinnear as the abused servant) are well done and amusing; and the sets are extremely memorable. See it!

Sequel: The Four Musketeers: Milady's Revenge (which was originally going to be utilized as footage for this film)

Overall rating: 5 stars

Rated PG for violence, and some restrained sexual innuendo.

Great Fun & The Best Version so far.....
Richard Lester & his screewriter, George Macdonald Fraser (of Flashman fame), made the best & most complete version of the Dumas tale with great flair and wit, seasoning the old story with satiric touches, irony and outright slapstick. Working with a dream cast, Lester shot this and the sequel (The Four Musketeers) all at once (ala Lord of the Rings) allowing him to tell a bigger story without the distractions of aging or changed cast members. It is great fun.

Since everyone knows the story I want to point out some of the wonderful qualities of the flim. First,there are the terrific fight scenes staged by Wm. Hobbs, who has his swordfights as exhausting affairs, full of sweat and effort, with no rules, no balletic dueling, but rather FIGHTING, with both hands and feet and anything that can be of use. These are set amongst blowing sheets, in tub rooms, and one especially clever night fight with lanterns blinking on and off. Oliver Reed as Athos especially convinces you that he is FIGHTING, not waltzing about.

Next, the wonderful cast, including: Michael York as an enthusistic and eager D'Artagnon; Raquel Welsh as D'Artagnon's paramour, Constance Bonancieux, bountiful and endearingly clutzy; Spike Milligan as Msr. Bonancieux, Raquel's addled and horny husband; Charlton Heston as the shrewd and ruthless Cardinal Richelieu; Christopher Lee, an arch & dignified villain as Rochefort, Richelieu's "blade" (and possibly illegitimate son); Faye Dunaway as the beautiful and treacherous Milady De Winter; Geraldine Chaplin as the ninny of a Queen; Jean Pierre Cassel as the dim and indifferent King. And then, of course the 3 Musketeers: Oliver Reed as a moody & temperamental, but powerful Athos; Richard Chamberlain's refined and aloof Aramis; and Frank Finlay's vain & pompous Porthos. Terrific all!

A light and infectiously joyful swashbuckler, Lester also has great fun displaying the extravagance and vanity of the Royals, idling away their time in ridiculous pursuits, completely impervious and indifferent to their servants and the lives of the common people shown in rough and coarse contrast. The King & Queen are clueless, Buckingham (Simon Ward) is a headstrong dolt, Richelieu schemes, and everyone else tries to survive their foolishness.

A rare mixture of genres and tones that really works, this witty romp must be seen with its concluding Four Musketeers where the tone shifts yet again. A treat for movie lovers.

Avoid this DVD Version! Get the newer release
Filmed in 1973, the one that began it all. The book was actually split into two movies to fit all the plot! This is the first half of the book. An amazing, star-studded cast, great attention to detail and it's funny to boot!

Let's see. Oliver Reed as Athos, Richard Chamberlain as Aramis, Frank Finlay as Porthos, Michael York as D'Artagnan. Christopher Lee, Raquel Welch, Geraldine Chaplin, Faye Dunaway. Just about every performance is amazing.

This has the REAL plot - not the entirely made-up one Disney foisted on us. D'Artagnan is cheating on his landlord with his landlord's wife. The Queen of France is cheating on her husband, the King, with the Duke of Buckingham. The cardinal is trying to gain power of France. The Musketeers gladly steal food and cheat when necessary. It's a rough world out there!

The attention to detail in the film is simply amazing. From the stunning costumes, to the silver-and-white ball at the end, to the interiors of the buildings, to the food they eat, wine they drink, games they play - it's all fully authentic. You could watch this in a history class and learn quite a bit.

And the swordfighting!! None of this pretentious sword-waving and back-flipping. These guys were professional soldiers. They fought to win. This involved rough-and-tumble brawl tactics at times. I compare Athos' fighting style to Aragorn's in Lord of the Rings. His aim was to stay alive and to keep his comerades alive, not to look pretty when he fought.

Now for the BIG WARNING. I wore out several copies of the video tape before getting this on the first DVD available. Fox Lorber put out the DVD version. I was thrilled to have it on DVD. I was less thrilled when I saw what they did to the movie!! They literally cut off ALL FOUR EDGES of the movie, losing quite a lot of the picture. The special features are completely missing. There is a new DVD version out which is a two-pack of "The Three Musketeers" and "The Four Musketeers" that has the special features and has the full version of both movies without missing content. AVOID THE FOX LORBER VERSION and get the other one. ... Read more

Reviews (7)

once again
This has to be the worst movie I have ever seen (right below "Green Slime"). Ever a big Richard Boone fan: he is forgiven in this movie. Jack Palance: not believable, no matter what role except "City Slickers" where his persona, a dead cowboy playes true. Lee Van Cleef ever steely eyed, ever smooth talking is the only reason to see this film. The downfall, and major blunder, was to cast an amature (immature) to the film: preteen hearthrob Leif Garret. "Thankfully" throughout the video he is a mute boy but his acting skills, I give this flick a 1

Great Movie!!!
What's wrong with you people??? This was a great all round Spaghetti Western!!! Sure, it may not rate up there with "The Good the Bad and the Ugly" or the other two of the trilogy, but it is nonetheless a very good movie. Lee Van Cleef plays a great dual role of the priest (Father John) and the twin brother gun-slinger (Lewis), Sybil Danning (Jenny) is flat out beautiful and Leif Garrett is plays a very believable Johnny son of Danning. Oh, and lets not forget Jack Palance as the very bad Sam Clayton. All these characters blend together to make a very memorable movie. One the better scene's in the movie is when Johnny is trapped in the church bell tower and he takes a metal bolt and flings it at his pursuer hitting him in the head, causing him to go head over heals to the ground below. I also enjoyed the wonderful dancing lady in the Saloon. Sante Maria Romitelli produced a sound track equal to anything Ennio Morricone ever did and Orlando Signorelli did an equally good job in editing the film. This is one of my all time favorite Spaghetti Westerns and one I would recommend YOU buy. Forget the prior reviews and buy this movie.

Great Title, Great Actors, Bad Movie
What potential - A great title "Gods Gun" - three of the best tough guys ever, all with very respectable careers - Lee Van Cleef, Jack Palance and Richard Boone.
What is right?

Jack Parlance comes off OK. At times there are some clever script elements. That's it!

What's Wrong?

What "Plan Nine From Outer Space" was to Bella Lagosi, "Gods Gun" might be to these three actors. "Gods Gun" rivals Terror In Tiny Town in ineptitude. The actors in this Israeli - no budget Western must have been very hungry. You watch this film and wonder - how did this happen to them?
Van Cleef (who must have had the worlds worst agent), had all but lost his menacing charm. At this time in his career you wonder if directors were purposely mocking him -having him wear embarrassing costumes, wigs and at times singing awful theme songs. He must have realized he wasn't getting paid for this abomination because he obviously didn't stick around to loop in his own voice. He is ludicrously dubbed to sound like "A Sons of Hercules" character. Cheep sets, lame clichéd music, horrendously bad costumes, awful peripheral actors, stereotypes, and a bland and confused teen idle - Leif Garret. The whole thing would be unintentionally funny if it were not for the sadness of seeing three quality actors trying desperately to make this thing work. At least you don't feel so bad about Palance who went on to some better things - some quality Hollywood films and push-ups during an Academy Award ceremony. It is very disturbing watching Van Cleef, and Boone knowing that for the remainder of their lives they were hopelessly stuck in poverty row films like this one. "Gods Gun" has a very high cringe factor for those of us who were once entertained by these guys. Others who don't care may be able to laugh at the film. I personally could not stand watching what seemed like three old reliable pals being degrading junk like this.

Gianfranco Parolini's God's Gun
Parolini, directing under the American-friendly name "Frank Kramer," comes up with a film that almost succeeds.

Jack Palance and his gang take over a small town. Leif Garrett and priest Lee Van Cleef stand up to the gang, and Van Cleef is killed. Garrett rides off to find the priest's twin brother, a gunfighter, also played by Van Cleef. They ride back and defeat the baddies.

The film makers give Van Cleef the world's most hideous wig in his scenes as the priest. He and Garrett seem to be competing in a contest for the film's most unappealing hairstyle. Palance, as the outlaw gang leader, must get on his knees every day and thank God "City Slickers" came along and rescued his career from messes like this. Sybil Danning, as Garrett's mother, is given little to do but stand around wide eyed, worry about her son, and flash her right breast in a rape scene to be discussed later. Richard Boone, desperately missing John Wayne and the chance to be in his films, plays the stereotypical drunken sheriff who cannot stop the outlaws.

Garrett, who does not sing in this, heads to Mexico to find the gunfighting brother. It takes him just two days, since apparently Mexico is the size of a city block. Van Cleef as the gunfighter is more effective, especially in a clever plan to stop the outlaws by making them think the priest has come back from the dead. The gunfighter does this with the minimum use of guns, and it is entertaining.

The bad news? Ennio Morricone should sue the composer here for ripping off "The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly"'s soundtrack. Every time Van Cleef is shown, you here that "aahh" sound that pops up all time in the superior Sergio Leone film. About an hour into this, the gang tries to rape the judge's daughters. They then go to the saloon and proceed to rape the women there. Then Danning tells Palance he is the father of Garrett, and we are treated to her flashback when Palance raped her years before. I do not know why the majority of modern westerns must feature rape, but this trio of scenes lasts a very long SIX minutes, and seems longer. They are ugly scenes that did not have to be done, and only pander to the lowest form of viewer who needs to have it hit over their head that these are villains, in case all the murders and robberies were confusing.

Parolini finally starts doing some funky things involving his camera with about twenty minutes to go, but it is too late. The baddies are defeated, Garrett learns a big life lesson, and gunfighter Van Cleef rides home.

"God's Gun," also known as "A Bullet from God," had a lot going for it, but cannot overcome its own ugliness. I cannot recommend it.

This is rated (R) for physical violence, gun violence, strong sexual violence, gore, some profanity, brief female nudity, brief male nudity, and sexual references.

so bad, it's actually quite good
I saw this film a few years ago, on a home TV channel, and I thought I had just entered the twilight zone. I could not believe my eyes! What on earth was going through the filmmaker's mind as they sat down to green light this one? The main idea was a passable one, if a little unoriginal, but it was the execution that went wrong. It is hard to think that both the director and star of this one were responsible for the excellent 'Sabata' nearly a decade earlier.

A few highpoints of this film to watch out for:

1. In the saloon scene, note the whore in the red dress doing a very 'groovy' dance despite the actual music that is playing. Great arm movement, eh?

2. Another gem is the scene where Lee van Cleef confronts Jack Palance while they are camped for the night. Was it my imagination, or were the villains sleeping in the middle of the road? A bit dangerous, isn't it? I know that they are hardened criminals, their evil posturing has already alerted us to that fact, but this really is dicing with death.

3. A final word about the costumes. What happened? Most of the money seemed to go on the whore in the red dress (a talented dancer) but it seemed that van Cleef was forced to wear his own trousers for most of the shoot. How can I tell? The film was made in the late seventies or early eighties and this is reflected in the circumference of the bottom of his jeans. This is most noticable in the introduction of the twin brother mid way through the film.

That said, I have never laughed at an italian western so much in my life. Go on, buy it. ... Read more

Reviews (6)

Sidaris Keeps Sexploitation Genre Alive
God bless Andy Sidaris. While hardcore porn delivered a death blow (so to speak) to sexploitation films, Sidaris keeps the genre alive with his action-packed movies filled with Playmate stars wrapping their fingers around big guns and lips around double entendres. In this 1985 Sidaris movie, Cody Abeline (Darby Hinton) is an independently wealthy Texas-born P.I. who drives a Delorean, lives on a yacht (the titular "Malibu Express"), can't shoot a moving target to save his life, and can't seem to walk three feet without some babe opening her blouse and jumping into his arms. He's hired by "contessa" Sybil Danning (who, despite references to her being from Italy, speaks as if born and raised in California) to check out a the wealthy Chamberlin family, a member of which is suspected of being involved in selling computer secrets to the Russians (so much for glasnost). Overseen by a wheelchair-bound matriarch who barks orders through a bullhorn, the Chamberlin household is packed with such characters as a ditzy maid wearing a blond wig longer than her uniform; a closeted homosexual son who secretly performs in drag; and a nymphomaniac daughter-in-law who demands frequent servicing from the hunky ex-con butler/chauffer. Double crosses and double D's vie for equal screen time until someone winds up dead. Cody hunts for the killer with the help of his beautiful blond detective friend, but first he has to help her out of her clothes... Through it all, Cody provides expository narration to lead us through the dizzying, far-fetched plot twists.

"Malibu Express" is a Sidaris classic. Every other scene features bare breasts, simulated sex and/or gunfire. The movie also has a goofy sense of humor (Topless female racecar driver to Cody: "What do you think?" Cody: "They're great!" Driver: "I meant my driving."), a relentless country soundtrack and periodic appearances of the Buffingtons, a hillbilly family guaranteed to delight those who find the humor of "Hee Haw" too dry. You can rest assured that no one exhibits behavior likely to be found in real life. The acting? Well, Danning delivers one of the stronger performances if that tells you anything. Hinton can be summed up with the following equation: John Schneider + [Tom Selleck/2]-1/2 talent = Darby Hinton. However, Hinton does have a likeable screen presence and works well here. He's also featured in what's got to be Sidaris' first--possilby only--gratuitous male shower scene. Also look for sexploitation vet John Alderman in a small role and a cameo, of sorts, by Regis Philbin.

"Magnum T&A" is right (damn, I wish I thought of that line first). May Sidaris always stay true to his artistic vision.

Magnum T & A
Got this DVD in a 6-disc collection of Andy Sidaris bullets, babes, and bombs hokum. Watched the other 5 discs before this one for no other reason than I saw it starred Darby Hinton ("Israel Boone" from Fess Parker's old tv show) and I have never given a flying rat's patootie about Darby Hinton. I was never that impressed with "Israel" on tv, and later on I knew some folks who encountered Hinton at some some personal appearance function and who described him to me as a "self-absorbed little snot". From then on Darby Hinton did not show up on my radar.

But he DOES NOW!Why? Because this movie is FUNNY!This movie is a low-brow, sleazy, smarmy HOOT! (like "Animal House" or "Porky's" or "Cry Uncle" crossed with "Magnum P.I."). And Darby Hinton, as private eye Cody Abilene, a rich-kid gumshoe who lives on a cabin cruiser (the titular "Malibu Express") and who couldn't hit the broad side of a barn with a .44 magnum at ten paces, is a hoot IN it!!! He's got a "look", and a charm,and a grin (not to mention a beach-boy blonde "Magnum" mustache) that just WORKS. He plays this role to perfection and now I feel really guilty about dissing and disregarding him all these years (Darby!!! I'm SORRY, Dude!!!).
The "Story" line here is not...uh..."perfect"...but, hey!...it gets the job done! Cody Abilene is called in by the local CIA station chief (who is friends with Cody's dad and who shares the same marina with them) to investigate the illegal sale of high-tech computer technology to the Russkies. Looks to be going out through the household of a prominent society matron
(oh yeah, THAT makes sense!) and they want Cody to go in and investigate the matter undercover as a "home security expert". He is to work with...oh MY....SYBIL DANNING in this operation( a job I wouldn't mind undertaking MYSELF! WOOF!)

From day one hilarity reigns. There are prissy, lisping,transvestite husbands (NOT that there is anything WRONG with that, you understand!) to deal with; blackmailing, womanizing chauffeurs; inept, bumbling thugs; double-dealing housekeepers in little French maid uniforms;smarmy computer-nerd master criminals (Not!); and more hot-to-trot jiggly pulchritude than can be found in any THREE James Bond movies! And then there is also this BIZARRE family of redneck whackos who interrupt the story continuity periodically to challenge Cody to car races (part of an ongoing family feud, it seems).

The whole thing is utterly absurd, and yet you find yourself watching it and laughing. You laugh at the cornball puns, you laugh at the inane situations, you laugh at the gigantic lapses in logic, you laugh at the whole lunatic mess of it. Sidaris and company have made numerous T & A action flicks after this one, and they are all entertaining to one degree or another. but there is a formulaic sameness to the majority of his "L.E.T.H.A.L. Force" movies that gives them too much of a feeling of "been there, done that".

But THIS thing is different. This thing is more playful, more imaginative, more smart-alecky, and, yes, more CHARMING in its good-natured preposterousness than the other ones are. After seeing "Malibu Express", my first thought was "Man, why didn't you guys KEEP ON with this??? This was COOL!! You should have given ol' Israel a contract for AT LEAST two more like this!".
Why didn't they? You got me there, pardner. Don't have a clue.
They went into this "Molokai Cargo/LETHAL Force" cycle and never
looked back.

But I DO have a clue for YOU, though, compadres. If you only watch ONE lame-brained Andy Sidaris movie in your entire lifetime....THIS...my friends, is the ONE to go for. THIS is the best one. Far and away.

Oh...and one more thing. Darby Hinton, can I have your autograph?

Very Good and entertaining mid 80's,B-rate, T&A movie!
Movie strengths: One of the best and earliest Andy Sidaris films! Certainly entertaining, funny and well casted. Cool and realistic main character - Cody Abilene (Darby Hinton)- an Eastwood wannabe who doesn't have a prayer of shooting a moving target with his cannon of a gun. Good twisting plot (for a B-film) that at the least will keep you watching throughout the entire movie. Very cool cars (for the early 80's time period). The Buffingtons are absolutely HILARIOUS! They will make you laugh out loud with their wild, animated, simple-minded, hill-billy antics. Contessa Luchesi (Sybil Danning), June Khnockers (Lynda Weismeier), Maid Marian (Robyn Hilton), Beverly (Lori Sutton) and a host of other centerfolds make for a great 80's T&A cast. And an added bonus is that all of the eye-candy in this movie actually do reasonably decent jobs at acting their parts. Andy Sidaris throws in professional bodybuilders John Brown and Richard Brose (2 of 3 villains named Matthew, Mark, and Luke) to play the "muscle" of a computer smuggling ring. Entertaining stufff straight out of the shadows of Dukes of Hazzard lore!

Movie Weakness: Very few for a B-film! I know ol' man Sidaris would have loved to have had more than just 1 explosion.

Similar Movies: "Cannonball Run" (plus T&A), "The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas" (minus the singing and dancing).

Carltonz Call: Good and funny film definitely worth watching! Just be mindful that it is a non-serious B-film. Definitely worth purchasing if you are a Sidaris fan!

Pretty good but not great, but then what did you expect.
This wasn't a bad movie but wasn't very good either. Sybil Danning looked great and the rest of the girls were easy on the eyes but the movie as a whole just seemed to drag on.

The disc on the other hand is nice, the movie looks good and sounds good, it also has some nice special features.

Action and Adventure-Malibu Style
This is a very entertaining and funny combo of action and comedy. The main guy is cool and the escapades he gets into is wild. While this is not a top notch movie,it does have a mystery like plot with a lot of action that is worth a 5 star. ... Read more